slythermint: when i was a young boy my father took me into the city to see a marching band he said, “son when—”
broternia: i was just out taking a walk and some woman slowly stopped her car next to me and she was all like “excuse me” and i was freakin out like oh my god she’s going to kill me or ask for directions or something, my life is over, and she was like “take this” and she handed me a 10 dollar bill and she was like “get yourself a haircut so you can get a job you fucking hippie” i’m laaughing so...
Do you. bite your thumb. at us, sir? I do bite. my thumb, sir. DO YOU BITE YOUR THUMB AT US, SIR? Is the law of our side, if I say ay? No. NO, SIR, I DO NOT BITE MY THUMB AT YOU, SIR, BUT I BITE MY THUMB, SIR. DO YOU QUARREL, SIR? QUARREL SIR! NO, SIR.
when your best friend is called up for an award or...
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donaldglover: if you’re having trouble finding a job make sure that you have “2006 time person of the year” listed on your resume. works every time.
seeka-greatperhaps: do you ever have imaginary/potential conversations with people in your head but then catch yourself accidentally mouthing the words out or making faces that would go along with your reactions in the conversation I’ve never felt more understood
onedirectionfangirlproblems: usa gets silver: russia gets silver: chinese get silver: british get bronze:
kissmycatastrophe: buttlicked: You’re bad at grammar? *pats u on shoulder* their, they’re, there. I JUST SPIT MY CEREAL ALL OVER MY COMPUTER